AN UPDATE
So I thought I'd do an updated blog post about mental health. With my depression, I experience new things every day, I know you're all sat there like 'here she goes again, blah blah blah' but not only do I think it's SO important to keep talking about it to raise awareness, the amount of positive feedback I got from my previous blog post about how I helped people, was overwhelming, and if I can keep doing that, then I've achieved everything I want and more.
Ok, A LOT has changed in these past few months since I last wrote about my experience with depression. In my previous post I felt like this independent woman who wasn't going to let this illness define me and I was feeling positive about everything, and although it is important to talk about these things and try to uplift people who are feeling this way. I also think it's crucial to talk about the bad days, so people feel normal, that they're not alone, and that they can relate to someone. These past couple of months have been an absolute sh*t show to put it politely. When I last posted I was only experiencing depression. However recently I've also been experiencing intense periods of anxiety, which is a cute little concoction I've got cooking at the moment. (Notice the sarcasm). Anxiety and depression are absolutely awful on their own as it is, but put them together and it's like Satan himself has taken over your body.
UNIVERSITY
I've ultimately put Uni down as the root cause of all my problems and I can imagine a lot of people can relate. I just feel sheer guilt when I am not doing Uni work every single minute of the day (which means I feel guilty 24 hours, 7 days a week lol). My days are all over the place and I feel like I'm not in any form of routine. The main aspect that I struggle with, with my depression, is low energy and just struggling to find the motivation to do normal every day activities. So, three weeks ago I contracted a nice virus which lasted for two weeks. This meant I couldn't eat anything (ie my main source of energy) so I honestly resembled a zombie. The thought of going back to uni after two weeks made my anxiety flare up so bad that I couldn't even get out of bed (therefore another week off uni). Today, I actually managed to get myself up and go for 6 hours!! This was a massive thing for me and I think it's so important to praise yourself for doing things that may only seem small to other people but took a lot for you. It was becoming apparent that my mental health was having a bigger impact on my degree than it ever has before, so I thought it was best to actively seek help. As much as everyone wants help to come to them, it doesn't, no one will understand your situation unless you tell them. I understand how hard it can be to explain how you feel, when sometimes you don't even know yourself, however the mental health nurses and counsellors at uni or at any establishment will understand that more than anyone.
The budget that the mental health department have at uni is ridiculous, they're only a small team and they get around 70-80 referrals A WEEK!!! But the mental health nurse did everything she could to make sure I'm feeling better and that it isn't going to effect my grades. If you're at uni and are struggling, I would heavily advise speaking to someone, even if it just means a letter to your department so your tutors confidentially know what you're experiencing.
WORK
I talk a lot about mental health within university. But mental health problems within the workplace are so common too. Ringing in sick because you're having a bad mental health day isn't quite yet accepted like it is ringing in sick because you've got the flu. Which I think, is why more employees need to be actively encouraging people to speak about their mental health so there can be a bit more of an understanding. That being said, a lot of people hate their job, the early mornings, the 9-5, it's inevitable. However, people need to be recognising when it's becoming more than just a hatred for getting up at 7am, and impacting your mental health. I have worked in some TERRIBLE places, where I've found myself crying on the way to work and not being able to understand why until I left and found a new job. I understand that it is easier said than done to say 'just get a new job' especially people who are in full time jobs, but hand on heart no job is worth your mental health. Even if it just means speaking to your boss about how you've been feeling so they're aware of the situation i'd actively encourage it. I am now in my 5th job since December last year, and I know how ridiculous this sounds, but I've never been in a better place with a job in my life. You honestly don't realise how toxic a workplace is until you get yourself out of that situation.
RELATIONSHIPS
I put a lot of emphasis on the importance of speaking about mental health. However, I think its disregarded too much about the struggles of being / living with someone who's got mental health issues. There's no manual out there that explains step by step how to cope with your girlfriend or boyfriend having depression or anxiety. HOWEVER, I've found something pretty close. I advise anyone who has a close relationship with someone with depression to read this.
My boyfriend is the most supportive person I have ever met in my life. I think as a society we've succumb to being treated like sh*t and accepting it as the norm. IT IS NOT. We need to stop this whole accepting the bare minimum and being so happy when they do something normal in a healthy relationship, for example praising your partner for not cheating on you. I said it in my previous blog post and I'll say it again, sometimes relationships can be more damaging to yourself than it would be if you left it. Over the past few years I've come across some very shitty people (specifically boys), as much as I am over the situation and incredibly happy with Ant, no one forgets being treated badly. At the time I was clueless, all my friends would be like 'Emily that's not normal' and as soon as they said sorry, I'd be holding their hand and skipping away into the sunset. Again, it's hard to realise a toxic situation until you're out of it. NO person is worth your mental health. That being said, this works both ways. If your partner suffers from mental health problems, but the relationship is becoming toxic and its beginning to impact on your own mental state, it's probably best to get yourself out of that situation, if talking about it hasn't helped or isn't an option. As much as supporting partners are key, you are not their counsellor. Again, it's easier said than done, I know but if this little blog can give anyone even the slightest bit of help then I'll be over the moon.
If you take anything from this post, take this. Please, please, please speak to someone when you're feeling low. You're not alone in this.
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